Which Me are You?

What's wrong with just loading up my game and playing it?

The headline news from E3 wasn't any game in particular. We knew about most of the big names already, and the best still aren't due until Christmas... at the earliest. No, the biggest thing to come out of this annual industry parade was the emergence of avatars as the Next Big Thing.

Ava-whats? Exactly.

Probably most of you are familiar with the Nintendo Wii ‘Mii' caricatures - the basic DIY cartoon kit from which to make cute renditions of your friends and family. Well the accepted, and very geeky, terminology for one of these little guys is ‘avatar'. Now Microsoft has got in on the act for Xbox 360 while Sony endlessly faffs around with its interpretation for PlayStation 3 and its online magnum opus ‘Home'.

The Nintendo thing is fine. Creating a Mii isn't necessary, but it is easy and quite addicting in the early days of owning a Wii. It is cute to see them in the crowd for Wii Sports or lining the circuits in Mario Kart. Crucially there are no strings attached to these virtual marionettes, you wouldn't want to spend any money on them in any case as they're too basic to warrant the expense.

Over to Microsoft and its ‘New Xbox 360 Experience' announced last week. Basically it's a 3D revamp of the Xbox 360 menu set up in which you'll have chance to make an avatar to enrich the whole thing. You'll make a little cartoon version of yourself to appear in online quiz shows or just stand around making gestures to avatars belonging to your online friends, to which you'll say: "looks just like you! Lol!" or: "Looks nothing like you! Lol" and then go back to your game of Call of Duty where you can be a big soldier with a big gun instead of playing with dolls.

Sony clearly sees its avatar idea as a colossal monetizing scheme, a variation on the theme of online Massively Multiplayer alternate reality Second Life. We'll be expected to create elaborate avatars, buy them virtual designer clothes and virtual designer habitats with virtual designer furniture and accessories. We'll meet other avatars online in a virtual space Sony calls ‘Home' and socialise doing the gesture stuff mentioned above for Microsoft, but heading off to enjoy a virtual movie or a trip to a virtual games shop to trial the latest PS3 software.

Let's stop it there. I mean, thank goodness nobody thought of doing all this avatar business for television. Can't we just switch on and get on with the games or watching a DVD? And is our social life so empty that we have to plug ourselves into a games console to have a conversation?!

Okay, there is one meaningful positive to come out of all of this: free, endless online conversations with lots of people all at once instead of having to phone people individually and internationally for silly fees. Yes, free conference calls, provided you have broadband. That is actually quite brilliant.

Okay, let's start with the eyes...